Funny I Hope I Dont Die Lines
Starring: Bill Murray, Adam Driver, Tilda Swinton, Selena Gomez, Chloë Sevigny, Steve Buscemi, Austin Butler, RZA, Tom Waits, Danny Glover, Caleb Landry Jones, Rosie Perez, Carol Kane
OUR RATING: ★★★☆☆
Story:
Zombie horror comedy written and directed by Jim Jarmusch. In a small peaceful town, zombies suddenly rise to terrorize the town. Three bespectacled police officers (Bill Murray, Adam Driver and Chloë Sevigny), and a strange Scottish morgue expert (Tilda Swinton) must band together to defeat the undead.
Our Favorite Quote:
'The world is perfect. Appreciate the details.' - Dean (The Dead Don't Die) Click To Tweet
Best Quotes (Total Quotes: 60)
Officer Ronnie Peterson: Damn it. My watch stopped. Or is broken, or something. Yeah, something weird is going on.
Chief Cliff Robertson: Yeah. Weird.
Officer Ronnie Peterson: Yeah, this isn't going to end well, Cliff.
[looking at the ants in the woods]
Hermit Bob: The ant colonies. All jacked up like it was the end of the world.
[referring to the song on the radio]
Chief Cliff Robertson: Wow, that sounds so familiar. What is that song, Ronnie?
Officer Ronnie Peterson: It's The Dead Don't Die, by Sturgill Simpson.
Chief Cliff Robertson: Sturgill Simpson. Why does it sound so familiar?
Officer Ronnie Peterson: Well, because it's the theme song.
Chief Cliff Robertson: The theme song?
Officer Ronnie Peterson: Yeah.
Bobby Wiggins: Hey, Dean.
Dean: What's up, buddy?
Bobby Wiggins: How's things?
Dean: After hours delivery, WU-PS. Check this out.
[holds up the newspaper]
Dean: Got some Weird News of the World. The Earth off its axis. That's bad news.
Bobby Wiggins: Hey, Dean. I was wondering if you wouldn't mind just, uh, dropping a little wisdom until the next delivery.
Dean: The world is perfect. Appreciate the details.
[looking out at his field]
Farmer Frank Miller: Holy sh*t. Who stole my f*cking cows?
[then looks around him]
Farmer Frank Miller: Where the hell are my chickens?
[as he's looking through his binoculars, he sees cows running into the woods]
Hermit Bob: Frank's cows. Into the woods, ladies. Welcome to my world.
[looking at Mallory's dead body]
Chief Cliff Robertson: Damn it, Mallory. Even dead, you reek of chardonnay. Cheap chardonnay.
Officer Ronnie Peterson: How's she looking?
Chief Cliff Robertson: Well, she's not getting any older.
Officer Mindy Morrison: Wow. The diner sure makes the world's best coffee, doesn't it?
Officer Ronnie Peterson: Yeah, but how can you drink it so late? Won't it keep you up?
Officer Mindy Morrison: No, I sleep like a baby. Except maybe when I know there's a corpse waiting for me at work.
Chief Cliff Robertson: This daylight thing is bothering me. It's strange.
Officer Mindy Morrison: Well, what can I say? The world is kind of strange lately.
Officer Ronnie Peterson: Yeah, it sure is. If you ask me, this whole thing is going to end badly.
Chief Cliff Robertson: So what exactly do you mean, Ronnie?
Officer Ronnie Peterson: Oh, uh, I don't know. Just a feeling, I guess. A strong feeling.
Officer Mindy Morrison: Oh, boy.
Officer Mindy Morrison: You okay doing the whole night shift alone, Cliff?
Chief Cliff Robertson: Yeah, I can take a nap. I mean, I can just lie down in that other cell next to old Mallory.
Officer Mindy Morrison: Oh, God. Next to her dead body?
Chief Cliff Robertson: Might bring back some old memories.
[repeating Ronnie's words to himself]
Chief Cliff Robertson: "This is all going to end badly." What does that mean?
[after killing Lily and Fern at the diner]
Female Coffee Zombie: Coffee.
Male Coffee Zombie: Coffee.
[referring Fern and Lily's mauled bodies in the diner]
Hank Thompson: Uh, what the hell was it? A wild animal? Uh, several wild animals?
Chief Cliff Robertson: I don't know. But whatever it was, it even smashed the coffeepots.
[after Ronnie's seen Fern and Lily's mauled bodies in the diner]
Officer Ronnie Peterson: Jesus Christ, Cliff. What the heck was it, a wild animal? Several wild animals?
Hank Thompson: That's exactly what I said.
[referring to Fern and Lily's mauled bodies in the diner]
Officer Mindy Morrison: Was it a wild animal? Or several wild animals? Cliff, is that really Fern and Lily in there?
Chief Cliff Robertson: Uh, no. That was Fern and Lily, but now…
[he doesn't finish the sentence]
[referring to the maulings in the diner]
Chief Cliff Robertson: So what are you thinking?
Officer Ronnie Peterson: You really want to know?
[Cliff nods]
Officer Ronnie Peterson: I'm thinking zombies.
Chief Cliff Robertson: What?
Officer Ronnie Peterson: You know, zombies. Ghouls. The undead.
Chief Cliff Robertson: Are you, you're trying to tell me, you're thinking zombies did this?
Officer Ronnie Peterson: Yep.
[reading the newspaper headline]
Jack: How about that? Earth off its axis. End of the world.
Zack: Flesh-eating zombies. You get a lot of zombies around here?
Bobby Wiggins: That depends, I guess.
[referring to their car]
Bobby Wiggins: That's a super cool ride, by the way. Very, uh, George Romero.
Zach: Yeah, it's a classic.
Zoe: Your film knowledge is impressive.
Zelda Winston: I do have an unrelated question.
Officer Mindy Morrison: Shoot.
Zelda Winston: Shoot?
Officer Mindy Morrison: I mean ask me.
Zelda Winston: Oh, yes. Are you, by any chance, a couple? You and the physically attractive one?
Officer Mindy Morrison: Um, you mean the younger one? Officer Peterson?
Zelda Winston: That's the one I mean. Officer Ronald Peterson.
Officer Mindy Morrison: Well, actually, no. Why do you ask, Zelda?
Zelda Winston: Just accumulating local information.
Zoe: Uh, do you guys know if there's a diner or restaurant nearby?
Chief Cliff Robertson: Sorry. The only diner in town is closed, indefinitely.
Zoe: Well, that's unfortunate.
[referring to Zoe]
Officer Ronnie Peterson: That girl's part Mexican.
Danny Perkins: Hm?
Chief Cliff Robertson: Really? How can you tell?
Officer Ronnie Peterson: I have an affinity for Mexicans. They're like my favorite people. I love Mexico. I've been down there twice.
[referring to Ronnie telling Jack, Zach and Zoe that they should not leave their hotel room]
Chief Cliff Robertson: How did they react?
Officer Ronnie Peterson: They said, "I heard you had a lot of zombies around here," and then they laughed.
Danny Perkins: Infernal hipsters with their irony.
Chief Cliff Robertson: I was supposed to retire. Two years ago.
Officer Ronnie Peterson: I know. Why didn't you?
Chief Cliff Robertson: What?
Officer Ronnie Peterson: Retire two years ago.
Chief Cliff Robertson: Are we improvising here?
Officer Ronnie Peterson: No, I was just asking. But I probably know the answer anyway.
Chief Cliff Robertson: Probably. Yeah.
Officer Ronnie Peterson: So is our plan to continue to inform people about the zombie danger before it gets dark?
Chief Cliff Robertson: Oh, God, Ronnie. Uh, I guess so.
Officer Ronnie Peterson: Because we passed Farmer Miller's place a little while ago. Do we need to inform him?
Chief Cliff Robertson: F*ck Farmer Miller.
Officer Ronnie Peterson: Really? He is a citizen of Centerville.
Chief Cliff Robertson: You're right. Uh, we'll have Mindy call him.
Officer Ronnie Peterson: Oh, okay.
Chief Cliff Robertson: So, Ronnie, how the f*ck do you kill a zombie?
Officer Ronnie Peterson: Well, you got to kill the head.
Chief Cliff Robertson: Kill the head
Officer Ronnie Peterson: Yeah. By any means necessary, kill the head. Decapitate. It's the only way to kill them.
Chief Cliff Robertson: Jesus!
Bobby Wiggins: And that's really the only way to stop zombies, is to kill the head, Hank. I know it's gruesome, but complete decapitation. It doesn't matter if you use a machete, steel wire, hedge clippers, whatever. Just as long as the spinal cord is severed, right? And the head is cut off. And that's it. De-animated. The only way to kill the dead, kill the head.
Hank Thompson: Uh, wait, Bobby. I'm not so sure it was zombies.
Bobby Wiggins: You said they ate Lily and Fern's flesh. Usually, they go for the brains. It's unusual, but it's still cannibals, man. Definitely zombies. Okay? Hank, you can trust me. I've seen almost every zombie film ever made. This is zombie sh*t going down, and we got to get prepared.
Hank Thompson: I don't know what to think anymore.
[Jack and Zoe are watching the news on TV]
Posie Juarez: Several other shocking and brutal attacks occurred in this residential neighborhood just outside East Brady. The images are just too gruesome to broadcast at this time, and police are saying that it almost looked like the victims were attacked by a wild animal, or perhaps several wild animals.
[referring to Bobby as they're watching the news]
Jack: Maybe that Harry Potter guy at the gas station wasn't kidding, man.
Zack: What? About what?
Jack: About there being zombies around here.
Zoe: That's not even funny. Don't joke. It's really, really creepy.
Officer Mindy Morrison: What's happening? Is it some sort of epidemic or what?
Officer Ronnie Peterson: It's zombies.
Officer Mindy Morrison: What are you saying?
Officer Ronnie Peterson: Well, it's the undead. They've been reanimated. Caused by the Earth having been pulled off its axis, caused by the polar fracking.
Officer Mindy Morrison: But the authorities and energy people keep saying that's not true.
[Cliff and Ronnie look at her]
Officer Mindy Morrison: Really?
[as she sees zombie Mallory]
Officer Mindy Morrison: Oh, my God! She's alive?
Officer Ronnie Peterson: No. She's not. She's just undead.
Mallory O'Brien: Chardonnay.
Officer Ronnie Peterson: Holy sh*t. Did she just say "chardonnay"?
Chief Cliff Robertson: Yeah, she did.
[as Cliff is unsuccessfully shooting at zombie Mallory]
Mallory O'Brien: Chardonnay.
Officer Ronnie Peterson: I got this, Cliff.
[he takes a machete and after several hits to Mallory's neck, manages to decapitate her, and the head falls to the ground]
Mallory O'Brien: Chardonnay.
[Mindy screams and Cliff shoots at it]
[referring to Ronnie decapitating Mallory's head]
Chief Cliff Robertson: Those were some pretty good cuts. You played some minor league ball, didn't you?
Officer Ronnie Peterson: Well, um, a little Class A. It was a long time ago.
[as she's putting makeup on two dead bodies]
Zelda Winston: Oh, that's very nice. Very nice, indeed. You look gorgeous. You two could have been the king and queen of the golf club, so you could.
[the dead female body opens her eyes]
Zelda Winston: Oh, my.
[Zelda closes them, then looks over to see the male dead body open his eyes]
Zelda Winston: What's this?
[she closes his eyes, but then sees that the two open their eyes together]
Zelda Winston: Are you in this together? I mean, this is really inappropriate.
[the two dead bodies rise]
Zelda Winston: Oh, good grief. So the dead just don't want to die today, is that it?
[she gets out her machete and cleanly decapitates both at the same time]
Zelda Winston: That's a shame. I had them looking so bonny.
[after shooting the zombie that was trying to kill him]
Farmer Frank Miller: Sh*t. I killed him. That was weird.
Officer Mindy Morrison: Guys, shouldn't we be telling each other that it's all going to be okay? That this will all go away, like a bad dream? Ronnie?
Officer Ronnie Peterson: Gee, Mindy, I'm not sure I can say that.
Officer Mindy Morrison: Cliff? Please?
Chief Cliff Robertson: It's all going to be okay, Mindy. Maybe it'll all just go away, like a bad dream.
Officer Ronnie Peterson: I doubt it.
[Mindy starts crying]
[as they watch Zelda decapitate a zombie]
Officer Ronnie Peterson: Darn, she's really good with that thing, isn't she?
Chief Cliff Robertson: She sure is.
Officer Mindy Morrison: She's strange.
Chief Cliff Robertson: She's Scottish.
Officer Ronnie Peterson: She's Scottish?
Zelda Winston: What exactly is your plan of action, Chief Clifford Robertson?
Chief Cliff Robertson: Well, uh, it's a little quieter now. I think, I guess we should just get in the patrol car, some of us, anyway, and, uh, patrol the community. After all, that is our job.
Officer Mindy Morrison: I'm not staying here. I think we should all go together.
Chief Cliff Robertson: Well, I guess you're right.
Zelda Winston: I could stay here and monitor things, if that would help. I'm quite confident of my ability to defend myself against the undead.
Chief Cliff Robertson: Well, I can see that. But, uh, can you operate the police radio and our computer?
Zelda Winston: Oh, aye. No bother. Certainly.
Officer Mindy Morrison: Yeah, if it still works.
Officer Ronnie Peterson: I don't know. That would be a little unusual, wouldn't it, Cliff?
Zelda Winston: Well, this is a highly unusual situation we're in, is it not, Chief Clifford Robertson? Perhaps we could all meet up again in a wee while in the cemetery.
[as she sees Ronnie's key ring is an Imperial-class Star Destroyer]
Zelda Winston: Oh. Star Wars. Excellent fiction.
Officer Ronnie Peterson: Slow down a second, Cliff?
[as the car slows, Ronnie leans out the car window and decapitates the approaching zombie]
Officer Ronnie Peterson: Excuse me.
[to himself]
Officer Ronnie Peterson: Yes.
[to Cliff and Mindy]
Officer Ronnie Peterson: Kill the head.
[referring to the zombies]
Officer Ronnie Peterson: They gravitate towards things they did when they were alive.
[to the approaching zombie]
Farmer Frank Miller: F*cking trespasser. Kiss your *ss goodbye.
[he shoots the zombie's head off]
[referring to the dead mauled bodies of Zack, Jack and Zoe]
Officer Ronnie Peterson: Oh, that's bad.
[after Ronnie decapitates Zoe's head]
Officer Mindy Morrison: Oh, my God. Why did you do that? They're not zombies. They're just dead people.
Officer Ronnie Peterson: Well, yeah, for now, they're still just dead hipsters. But they haven't turned yet. It can take a while.
Chief Cliff Robertson: He's right, Mindy. Now they're just dead hipsters, from Cleveland.
[as zombies surround their patrol car]
Chief Cliff Robertson: Well, that's perfect, isn't it? Right in the middle of the f*cking cemetery.
Officer Mindy Morrison: No, it isn't perfect. Why did you run over them?
Chief Cliff Robertson: They are not ordinary pedestrians.
[as their patrol car is being surrounded by zombies]
Officer Ronnie Peterson: This is definitely going to end badly.
Chief Cliff Robertson: Shut up, Ronnie.
Officer Ronnie Peterson: No, you shut up.
Chief Cliff Robertson: Shut up, Ronnie!
Zelda Winston: Hello there.
Fashion Zombie: Fashion.
[referring to her short tartan skirt]
Zelda Winston: I can assure you that is not your tartan. Nice neck though.
[she decapitates the zombie]
[after he's seen Danny Perkins as one of zombie's surrounding their car]
Chief Cliff Robertson: I'm sorry, Ronnie, if I've lost it.
Officer Ronnie Peterson: It's okay, Cliff.
Chief Cliff Robertson: But I got to say, you have been acting a lot different since all this weird sh*t started happening.
Officer Ronnie Peterson: What are you saying, Cliff?
Chief Cliff Robertson: I'm saying that you seem so oddly controlled. I mean, sh*t.
Officer Ronnie Peterson: Well, I'm just, you know, dealing with it in my own way. But I've been telling you this is all going to end badly.
Chief Cliff Robertson: Goddamn it, Ronnie.
Chief Cliff Robertson: May I ask you a question?
Officer Ronnie Peterson: Sure, ask away.
Chief Cliff Robertson: You have been saying that this is all going to end badly, from the very beginning, over and over. So what made you so f*cking sure of that? How did you know everything in advance?
Officer Ronnie Peterson: Do you really want to know?
Chief Cliff Robertson: Yes! I want to know! I really want to know!
Officer Ronnie Peterson: Okay. I know because I've read the script.
[pause]
Chief Cliff Robertson: You read the script. The whole script? All of it?
Officer Ronnie Peterson: Yeah, Jim gave me the whole script
Chief Cliff Robertson: He only gave me our scenes. I never saw a complete script. After all I've done for that guy, and it's a lot that you don't even know about. What a d*ck.
[referring to the spinning UFO hovering over Centerville Cemetery]
Chief Cliff Robertson: Are you seeing what I'm seeing?
Officer Ronnie Peterson: I think I am.
Chief Cliff Robertson: Was that in the script?
Officer Ronnie Peterson: No. Not the one I read.
[after the UFO beams up Zelda and flies away]
Officer Ronnie Peterson: Well, that was unexpected.
Chief Cliff Robertson: I knew there was something unusual about her.
Officer Ronnie Peterson: Yeah.
Chief Cliff Robertson: So, Ronnie, how does it end, then?
Officer Ronnie Peterson: Well, we got to give it our best shot.
Chief Cliff Robertson: Our best shot. Okay. Yeah. But then it ends badly, right?
Officer Ronnie Peterson: Uh, yeah. Yeah, it does.
Chief Cliff Robertson: Okay, then, let's do it.
Officer Ronnie Peterson: Let's do it.
[the two exit their car and begin killing zombies]
[as Hermit Bob watches Cliff and Ronnie kill the zombies]
Hermit Bob: [voice over] Cliff and little Ronnie. Warriors. Among the dead. Zombies. Remnants of the materialist people.
[as Hermit Bob watches Cliff and Ronnie kill the zombies]
Hermit Bob: [voice over] I guess they've been zombies all along. Ghosts.
[as Hermit Bob watches Cliff and Ronnie kill the zombies]
Hermit Bob: [voice over] Nameless miseries of the numberless mortals.
[as Cliff kills zombie Frank]
Hermit Bob: [voice over] Goodbye, Frank. You reap what you sow.
[as Cliff is killing the zombues, he sees zombie Hank]
Chief Cliff Robertson: Ah, Hank. I'm so sorry, brother. I just can't do it. You take care of yourself.
Hermit Bob: [voice over] Ashes to ashes. Dust to dust.
[Cliff sees zombie Mindy]
Officer Mindy Morrison: Ronnie.
Chief Cliff Robertson: Mindy!
Officer Mindy Morrison: Cliff. Ronnie.
[Ronnie behead Mindy]
Chief Cliff Robertson: No! Jesus, Ronnie.
[last lines; as the zombies surround Cliff and Ronnie]
Hermit Bob: [voice over] The dead just don't want to die today. Reanimated and all jacked up, just like those ants. The end of the world. I guess all them ghost people plumb lost their goddamn souls. Must have traded them away, or sold them for gold, or whatnot. New trucks, kitchen appliances, new trousers, Nintendo Game Boys, sh*t like that. Just hungry for more stuff.
[we see Cliff and Ronnie being taken down by the zombies]
Hermit Bob: [voice over] Oh, down they go. The sad end of Cliff and Ronnie. What a f*cked up world.
Total Quotes: 60
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